My Higher Power is John Stamos
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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