Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
