Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want her autograph on my taint
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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