my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
