I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize