would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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