Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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