grandma shit on top of the toilet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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