She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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