I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
