I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
