My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
