I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
