I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
