My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
