I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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