porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
