Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
