none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
