you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
