okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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