And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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