matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
