stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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