I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
