he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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