Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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