he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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