There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
