All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Alive.
So much puke
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
