The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I came so hard my ears popped.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
