I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
