Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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