Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize