Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize