Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
