Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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