What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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