I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
