You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
