My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
