Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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