So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
