Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
