who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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