That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
