Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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