your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
