I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
