don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
