He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
