so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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