I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
