The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
