ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize