While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
