I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
