no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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