I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize