i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
