I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
