Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
