On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
