I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
