I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
