the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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