Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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