last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
