too bad you live with your parents still
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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