Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
