Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
