it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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