I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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