And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
