Just mADE A PArabola og urine
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
