An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
